I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize