If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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