I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
