so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
