Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
