we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
