she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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