You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
