Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
