dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
