just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
