Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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