Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
