Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
