happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
