ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
