Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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