i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
