The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
