Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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