dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
