did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
