Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
