Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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