I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
