just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
