you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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