Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
