so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
