He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
