So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
