problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
