new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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