Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
