you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
