i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
