yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Your cock deserves a montage
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
