Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
