Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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