Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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