What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
