My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
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My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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