At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
