Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
