that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
