you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
