y did u give ur computer a hand job?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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