I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize