1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
