I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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