guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
