Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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