I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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