After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
