see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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