God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
