I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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