Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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