tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
