i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
