well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Rumble strips road head = magical
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
