WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
