I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
