Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
