So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
