Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
