Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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