Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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