i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
