It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
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I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
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Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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