If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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