We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
