Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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