When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
