I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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